A (Very) Dark Corner of the Internet

I've been reading in the New York Times about the New York city cop, Gilberto Valle, who has been charged with conspiracy to kidnap, rape, kill and cannibalize women. That is not very nice Gilberto! You and that  ex LA. cop are giving cops a bad name this month. From your picture you look normal

and well fed. I guess you never know.

I am fascinated by the legal aspect of when does chatting on the World Wide Web actually become a crime.  Now I'm no lawyer -well actually I am -(I just like that figure of speech) so I know that there has to be both a mens rea- (guilty mind) and actus reus-( guilty action). Yes, it is creepy to the max for him and these other internet dudes to be even fantasizing and putting into writing these horrific ideas but when does it cross the line? To be convicted of a "conspiracy"  (now I'm no criminal lawyer- that part is right) my understanding is that there must be an agreement between two or more parties to commit a crime of some type in the future and some overt act in furtherance of the agreement. His defence is that it was just pretend-a fantasy if you will.  This is some messed up fantasy. The prosecution says- it is very real-that the accused discussed a "specific real woman that he knew and was discussing the logistics of fitting her into an oven".  Working out the logistics of fitting her in an oven- do you mind?  Really the whole thing is do you mind? He has pleaded not guilty.   I will continue to read with interest.

 Two cannibals were eating this clown that they had boiled for dinner- one turns to the other and says "does this taste funny to you?"

Wake Up and Smell the Whole Wheat Quinoa

Mr. Lovely finds it (epi)curious what has happened to the food life in our family. Curious and if the truth be told, sad.
We used to be a family of carnivores for one thing- we wouldn't fret about little things like healthy diet or ethical considerations or wheat belly or complexion. We would all happily chow down on cheese steaks on white buns with sides of potato salad and cokes  -ah, those were the days, right Mr. L?  Nowadays we have three vegetarians, another who won't eat "white carbohydrates" and sugars of any kind, one just trying to eat healthy and live a quiet, simple life (guess who that is?) and one who remains stuck in his meat and carb diet, his processed food, and his junk-a-holic ways

www.pizzadelivery.org

 and who refuses to see that the world is changing right before his eyes.

First off the vegetarians. They are real vegetarians, not pescetarians, (will eat fish) or semi -vegetarians aka flexitarians ("mostly" vegetarian but will eat meat, chicken and fish rarely)- a real term according to wikepedia. Semi vegetarian! Flexitarian!-do you mind? I can't keep track of what my vegetarians consume from week to week-are they are ovo-vegetarian, (yes to eggs, no to dairy products) lacto-vegetarian, (yes to dairy products- no to eggs), or ova-lacto vegetarian-oh what the heck- yes to both. My daughters have tried being vegans for a time, which excludes all animal products including eggs, dairy, beeswax and honey. Seriously who eats beeswax and I just don't get honey- maybe somebody can clue me in.

They ingest stuff that we know vegetarians eat like nuts, seeds, tofu, both the more and less firm variety, and almond milk but also "crazy" stuff like seitan, t.v.p. ( textured vegetable protein) tempeh, quinoa, and soy cheese. Oh my!

And Mr. Lovely can't seem to remember that they don't eat animals at all- he is constantly offering them bites of his hamburger or chicken wings or shrimp cocktail or getting excited about the great roast beef meal we can all enjoy for our next family gathering. When I point out "but Lovely they are vegetarians-" he will get this surprised ( as though this is the first time he is hearing this even though they have been vegetarian for a very long time- Ed for over 6 years and Meg and Phil for close to 2) and then mournful and dejected look on his face, and then he will commence to moping.

Thankfully they are all excellent cooks cause for sure they would be having salad and soup all the time when they visited if it were left to me. And Mr. Lovely- well he would just buy them processed "box vegetarian" dinners. Yes he is a big fan of the boxed  "fudes"-boxed Indian meals- [korma in a box, butter chicken in a box},  (more like a cardiac arrest in a box), boxed lasagna, boxed chicken wings, boxed pizza- you get the idea.

sikharchives.com

He is further befuddled by Al, who won't  have milk, white pasta bread or potatoes or sugar of any kind  -a bit for his body but mostly for his face- he wants to keep his complexion clean and clear and thinks those items interfere with that agenda.

So Mr. Lovely can't just rustle up some spaghetti (and by that I mean- good honest spaghetti- not that whole wheat stuff) and meat sauce (his favourite meal) because he has no takers- not a one. We are all living healthier these days.

(Tiger Print for Vegetarian Food Fair by Lemon)

It is a new world out there, Lovely- wake up and smell the whole wheat quinoa.

Sally (Season 2)

Just when you thought Sally had wrapped up for good, along comes more Sally. If you are anything like Mr. Lovely you will skip this post decrying "I can't take any more of Sally". But if you are like me you will see it through to the bitter end. I mean how hard is it to read one page (a page with pictures yet).

Before the family had evolved to it current enlightened state of ignoring Sally there was a time during which Sally was still the object of disdain.(If I was the emoticon type, I would put a sad face here). It was during this time that one of Sally eyes mysteriously "fell" off. Luckily I found it under one of the sofa cushions ( along with some other misplaced items of no consequence).

I had my own suspicions about what happened and not being one to keep silent, I let the alleged perpetrator know that I suspected foul play. Oh yes, there was the expected denial and feigned indignation and I never did get to the bottom of it but I think we both know what happened, right Phil?

At any rate, the sewing of an eye is way beyond my capabilities (and yes I know what you are thinking- it is really just the sewing of a button, but sadly, that too, is way beyond my capabilities) and so I had to make the trip to R my trusted and lovely Hungarian seamstress to perform this delicate operation. I asked Mr. Lovely to take Sally in and he brought her other eye in a baggy to make sure that the right button got sewed on. But when I went to pick Sally up -quelle horreur- R had sewn on a matching eye. When I asked R what happened to the eye in the baggy she said that she thought we had made a mistake and brought in wrong button because it didn't match so she put on one that she thought matched better.NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Not wanting to hurt R's feelings, I took Sally home, knowing that there was no way on earth that Sally could live with this affront to her good looks.  Within the week I  had importuned my good friend Laura P to sew on one new properly mismatched eye that restored Sally to her former beauty. If only all cosmetic surgery could be repaired this easily cause bad cosmetic surgery is the worst- do you mind!

A few months later we were going to "the country" for a one week vacation. As there were different schedules we went in two cars, Mr. Lovely, Al , Ed and me going up first, Meg and Phil to follow the next day.

Meg and Phil arrived and began unpacking the car when Phil began to relay this very disturbing story. He said that Meg was in the car and had left her water bottle inside and so he went back in the house to get it and then heard a scurrying sound and a slamming of a car door. He didn't think anything at the time, but when they were halfway up north and stopped for gas he looked in the back seat and saw this:

Sally, that scamp, not wanting to be left behind had hopped a ride. Too bad she forgot her swimming trunks as it got pretty hot and she had nothing to swim in. C'est la vie when you are living fast and loose.

SALLY

Two summers ago I was on the hunt for a used wicker chair in reasonable shape (used because a new wicker chair for some reason cost 9 million dollars) so I had been dragging Mr. Lovely (and when available, one or more of the kids) to a various antique markets, fairs and vintage shops. SO FUN! I discovered a lot of junk, (quelle surprise), but also a lot of really cool stuff including these handmade dolls, one of which was Sally.

Her name wasn’t Sally at the time but I named her Sally because I had been reading the Hemingses of Monticello, a superb history by Annette Gordon-Reid, after our trip to Virginia (and Monticello) in the spring and this doll cried out to me “Sally” (actually she can’t really talk or cry out on account of she has no mouth, but you know, metaphorically).

Sally (Hemings) was Thomas Jefferson’s mistress and slave and I was a little bit in love with her. And by the way what is with Jefferson, one of the authors of the Declaration of Independence where all men are created equal, having slaves? I know it’s complex but do you mind, sir?

I am not really a doll person or an impulse shopper (I ponder a good 15 minutes over a pair of socks) but Sally was so beautiful and so compelling and so reasonably priced ($35.00- such a deal) that I just had to have her.

To say the least I was pretty excited and looking forward to introducing Sally to my kids who were all home for the summer. So imagine my surprise when they did not immediately share my enthusiasm for Sally. Phil and Meg (my son-in-law and daughter, normally non-judgmental and compassionate people) cried out in horror- “Get that thing away from me!” Al (my non-conformist son, who is really easy going and accepting of most things different) flatly declared “I hate Sally!” (A bit strong, don’t you think) and Ed (my artistic, type A 
{yes, she is both} daughter) moaned in despair like a true drama queen “Why is this happening to us?”(Surely an overreaction). Calm down everyone!

What was I to do with all that? What can a person do when their aesthetic and moral choices are rejected? Nothing. Slowly try to implement change and acceptance. In this case that would involve having the parties live together so everyone could see that they were not really so different after all.

So I set up Sally in the den, a thoroughfare to the kitchen (the most popular room in the house) so that they could get acclimatized to her. I figured by seeing her on the couch, innocently sitting there with her big button eyes, cute hairdo, and simple frock, hanging and  watching TV with her and just generally recognizing that she was a good sort, they would gradually get used to her and would grow to love and accept her as part of the “family”. Or not so much. Progress has been made though- Sally is pretty much ignored but at least no longer reviled.

 Sally now has a buddy, Mabel. More about Mabel to come.

Running on Garbage Days

 

I used to have all these  running  (more like non- running) rules. Like I wouldn’t run in the rain, and I wouldn’t run in the snow; if it was minus 14 degrees or below it was too cold; if it was after 7:00 a.m. it was too late; if my back hurt from a restless sleep- faggetaboutit; if it was dark out- too dangerous ( and people couldn’t see my stylin jogging duds -see below) and of course , I would never ever run on  garbage day -it was too unsightly ( and  in the summer on a hot day- too smelly)- do you mind!

So I had nicely reduced my 5 day a week running routine into a modest 1 or 2  days and guess what? quelle surprise -my butt was getting bigger and bigger and I was getting crabbier ( more even than normal) and that wasn't good for anyone, right Mr. Lovely? So now I have no rules except for common sense and I will eat them in a train and I will eat them on a plane, I will eat them here or there- I will eat them anywhere (no wrong rhyme but you get the idea). So today I did run in the dark, in the rain and snow, with a sore back and it was garbage day. AND it was a great run!

Just so you know (I'm sure everybody does) there are a couple of things you need for running- first off  appropriate clothing for the weather:

In the winter for outside running (which is the only type I do because, hey you are outside and the fresh air is fantastic) you need long pants and a head band or hat {both will give you hat head but headband head is slightly better} note matching purple stripe with matching inside of headband ( ya you can’t see it but it is there dammit) ), a running top- {note predominantly blue track pants with blue top} and a hoodie {black hoodie matched with outside of the headband) topped off by yer pull back gloves.  They don't match ( yet- I'm working on it) but you need them cause you need the fingers to change the music on your nano if say Alexisonfire comes up on the running tunes downloaded by your “then” headbanger daughter ( she's not anymore- now she is a hippy and listens to hippy music) but say that happens, you need to move that music on and you need those fingerless gloves!

If you are truly fashion conscious like yours truly, you will want a  colour coordinated sports bra- this one is the TA TA Tamer from Lululemon (true  story). Ya how many "trues" does one short sentence need? I'm thinking at least 3.

You will also need something to listen to- I used to listen to the CBC but the reception was bad and there would be  static, buzzing and white noise and it was all very annoying and not at all informative. I now listen to a running playlist- rockin the faster tunes that motivate me to keep going for the long long long 5k run!

So rock or run on- it's an awesome way to start your day, truly!

The Killing

I've been watching The Killing ( not the Danish version Forbrydelsen- translated "The Crime", on account of I don't understand or eat danish) but the US version developed by Veena Sud and produced by Fox Studios and Fuse Entertainment.

These are the two main characters- Sarah Linden lead detective -hazzah for the women leads- ( "Linden" is how she answers the phone cause she is a serious minded, no nonsense, heavy sweater wearing ( I'm thinking the heavy sweaters are borrowed from the Danish series) and Stephen Holder sidekick,( ex narc- sent to homicide, a hoodie wearing, sauntering, Big Lebowski type who can speak street & relate to the everyman  "ok every "cool" man" with his jive lingo).

It is a crime drama series set in Seattle that follows the murder investigation of Rosie Larsen a 17 year old "good girl" found...( well I won't say more ) - each one hour episode being one day of the investigation.  It is creepy  and compelling and there are many many scenes shot in the near dark ( like they were on a strict light budget ) and guess what -it is always and I mean always, raining- every single episode. Like it is hard enough to solve crimes when we're dry and now we have to be soggy ( and I'm guessing itchy and mouldy) all the time- do you mind! And do you think they have umbrellas- no way- it rains right on them, night and day.  Maybe detectives who can't figure out to buy umbrellas would be challenged solving a murder- or maybe they are just too into their jobs but hey the two are not mutually exclusive.

  

After one full season in which we also follow a race for mayor that pits the "corrupt" candidate against the "integrity" candidate- (yes, they are somehow involved), we know a lot more about the Larsens ( the victim's family), the detectives, and how often it rains in Seattle, but  sadly we still do not know who "dun it". There have been many twists and turns and false leads etc.

Mr. Lovely gave up 2 episodes from the season finale ( ya I don't get it)- decrying "I can't take it anymore- this murder investigation is going into Season 2"( he saw some still shots from Season 2- big mistake- NEVER look ahead!) but left on a cliff hanger and having committed to 13 episodes I am not about the abandon the hunt for the Killer- in the Killing even if I have to go it alone.